When I first caught word that Sylvester Stallone was going to be making a new Rocky and Rambo movies, I hung my head it total despair. To me, it was a sad desperate attempt by an aging former star to become relevant again. To me they seemed like horrible ideas. But then I saw Rocky Balboa (aka Rocky 6) and I had to seriously eat some of my words. It was such a great film, and one that I still think about. So who knows? If he could surprise the hell out of us with Rocky 6, maybe he can do it again with Rambo 4?

THE GENERAL IDEA

Rambo has spent his last few years living an isolated life in the jungles of Thailand, living alone and scraping out a living by capturing deadly snake for the local freak show. He’s quieter than ever and rarely speaks other than to say “fuck you” once or twice under his breath. One day however, his solitude is interrupted when a group of American christian missionaries confront him, looking for passage on his boat into the troubled country of Burma so they can deliver supplies and provide medical care to the refugees who are being terrorized by the local military. John J Rambo, being the wise man of the mountain that he is, tells them “no” and to go home. But one of the missionaries (the lone woman in the group) decides to appeal the what little humanity still exists in John and ultimately convinces him to help them. However, sometime after John drops the missionaries off in Burma, word comes out that the village they were helping has been attacked, and John is called on again to mount a rescue mission to save the missionaries now being held by the brutal military commander. This part may surprise you… but… violence ensues.

THE BAD

I know I usually start these reviews with “the good”, but this one has to be done in reverse order. I’ve got to say this right up front… the first half (or maybe closter to 5 8ths) of the film were horrible. If the movie had continued on the same way the entire beginning and most of the middle was going, an argument could be made that RAMBO deserves a place on the “top 20 worst films of all time” list. It was really that horrible.

Where Rocky successfully took a look into a familiar character we all know, dealing not only with a desire to complete again but also looking at life, the things that matter, reflecting on past victories and past defeats, dealing with the losses in his life that age and time bring and being forced to re-examine himself and who he is, all pushed along with brilliant dialog and meaningful exposition… Rambo fails at all of that. Reflection is replaced with AWFUL flash back montages of previous Rambo films, dialog is replaced by… well… nothing (and yes, I understand Rambo is quiet, I’m not suggesting a LOT of dialog… just make sure it’s decent when you use it the little that you do), pace is replaced with pause (just about nothing happens really) and story is replaced with just a premise. It was a snore-fest. Almost unwatchable… nay… it was unwatchable. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that we were in a special press screening, and surrounded by security guards, I think Doug and I would have walked out. Yeah… the first half of the film was really was that bad.

Special mention should be given to the dialog. Most of the talking in the film is done by the Christian Missionaries, and dear sweet heavens, was it ever BAD! Especially anything that came out of the sole female character’s mouth. Every time she spoke you wanted to jam popcorn in your ears to drown out the spew that was pouring forth. I honestly felt like they got all their dialog from Hallmark cards… read by Jessica Alba. It’s so hard to believe that this drivel was written by the same guy who brilliantly wrote Rocky Balboa.

THE GOOD

Let’s face it, as important a dialog is to a movie… as important as story is to a movie… as important character development is to a movie… people going into see Rambo aren’t going for he dialog, story or characters. They want to see crazy violence, and make no mistake… once you get into the 3rd act of the film, Stallone become the conductor of one of the most massive violence symphony orchestras you’ve ever seen!

As bad as the fist 2 acts are, the final 30-40 minutes equals in awesomeness. Rambo easily contains the most violence, war gory scenes I’ve ever witnessed in a film (and yes, I’m including the beach scene in “Saving Private Ryan” on that list). At one point, the action FINALLY starts… and from then on out, Rambo puts his boot to your throat and never takes it off. The crap just looks so frigging real, and it was so intense… and it was so violent… and he did such unspeakable things to a lot of these Burmeese soldiers… wow it was fun! I can’t stress this enough: If you’re going to see Rambo because you want to see good ol’ John J. kicking serious bad guy ass… then the last act of this movie will make you leave the theater with a huge smile on your face.

OVERALL

Some of the most intense action/violence I’ve ever seen in a movie, is almost ruined by every other conceivable thing being done wrong. The first half (and more) is some of the worst film making I’ve seen in years… and then suddenly out of nowhere it is redeemed by delivering exactly what the Rambo audience paid their money to see…. Rambo doing insane Rambo things… and doing them well. It was enough to save the movie for me. If you’re going to go see it, I’d say plan on being 20 minutes late, I promise you’re not missing anything and you’ll get to the good stuff faster!

Overall I give Rambo a 5 out of 10 (first half a 1/10, the last a 9.5/10).

The General Idea

Plot Outline from IMDB: After serving as a bridesmaid 27 times, a young woman (Heigl) wrestles with the idea of standing by her sister’s side as her sibling marries the man she’s secretly in love with.

The Good

This film does have a few very funny one liners, I had laughter ripped out of me with some quality grade A zingers; sadly they were few and far between. James Marsden was great in his role and really made the most out of a character that could have been a total write off. The chemistry between Heigel and Marsden was great and the best parts of this film were when they were enjoying each others company. I was not a fan of Marsden in X-Men, but by X-Men 2 he had won me over - and now I would invite him to a BBQ.

The Bad

I really did not care for this story. In chick flicks usually you set it up with a “woe is me” intro, a “Yay my life has turned around” middle, a crisis introducing the third act followed closely by a “nope my life really is awesome, there was just a misunderstanding” ending. In 27 Dresses the formula is followed but we dredge in the “woe is me” zone forever. It gets unbelievable that Heigel hasn’t blown her head off in a Deli bathroom, when all we see is her bitch and pine.

Heigl wants to fuck her boss, doesn’t have the guts to approach him and then freaks out when her sister mows her grass. Her sister cannot be blamed however because she was unaware of Heigl’s love of the man. Show me a girl that doesn’t talk about her crush with her sister; and I will doubt her existence. Of course Heigl is the one chosen to plan their eventual wedding and she grumbles and struggles with this unfortunate situation to the point of nausea. Her sister (predictably) is a fake whore that doesn’t deserve the perfect boss and much time is spent watching her dupe the dude as she puts on a front to woo him.

Heigl is also needlessly rude to Marsden’s character for way too long, and continually pushes him away. The cat and mouse angle went on forever and got very annoying. By the time they do hook up, they hardly have 5 minutes of celebration before they encounter their first crisis.

I do not mind if a film is formulaic as long as it is an awesome story; and I can get behind it. This film fucks up the formula, is a bad story and by the end of the film the theatre was quiet. A good chick flick should have everyone whipped up to a point of frenzied celebration, this film had an ending that should have been a shoe in for cheering; but the journey was lacking and people didn’t seem to care.

Overall

If this film had Marsden and Heigl riffing off of one another in an Esso bathroom for 90 minutes - It would have been a better movie. The story was not enjoyable and this film will be a waste of time for most. I give this film a 5/10, Marsden and a few key jokes provided some entertainment, but the movie was hurting.

Well, the wait is finally over. After all the hype and all the rabid fan adulation, the movie Cloverfield has finally been screened. Tonight, myself and a load of other folks went to the Paramount Lot here in Hollywood to watch Cloverfield. Walking across the courtyard we passed by that big headless statue of liberty on the way in… it looked very cool! As for me, I haven’t been a fan (nor am I now) of the marketing job done for this film… but that doesn’t have anything to do with the movie itself. The story is a simple but effective one. In the midst of a going away party, a giant monster attacks New York. One man decides he can not leave the city until he can travel through it to save a woman he loves who is trapped at her appartment. So what did I think of the movie?

THE GOOD

This film is quite creative in the way is tells its story. As most of you know, the story is completely shot from the perspective of hand held personal video cameras documenting (at first) the main character’s last night in New York before leaving for his new job in Tokyo Japan. As the monster attack on the city begins, the documenter decides to keep the camera rolling to get a visual record of the attack and their attempt to escape the carnage. Yes, the Blair Witch Project did the same basic style… but that was a long time ago, and Cloverfield did a superior job and turning “found video camera footage” into a coherent and compelling story that goes beyond the basic “monster smash city” scenario.

The performances of all the actors involved were solid. Especially T.J. Miller who plays “Hud”, the best friend of the lead character and the guy who holds the camera documenting all the events. He wasn’t only the solid comic relief of the film, he also made you believe his fear and terror at all the madness going on around him. Aside from the main love interest of the film (who was lame), the cast all did a great job of making that “home video footage” seem and feel REAL. And it’s that realness that draws you in and allows you to feel the tension and terror the characters must have been feeling.

If heard this said before, but it bears repeating. Unlike other disaster movies (where the story is told from the perspective of the Heroes who are fighting the monsters and have all the answers and explain those answers to the audience), this movie is told from the perspective of the people in the streets. The people who don’t know what on earth is going on. The people who are suddenly faced with something out of this world that they don’t comprehend or understand. As such, the movie offers no answers. It doesn’t attempt or feel the need to explain everything… and although you can tell the filmmakers felt TEMPED at times to explain more to the audience, they didn’t, and that’s a GREAT thing, because it kept you in the shoes of the characters.

The film is legitimately scary. Usually in these types of monster movies, it’s all about the fun… even in the “scary” parts. But this film honestly made you feel the terror of average people suddenly faced with a 30 story monster destroying their city. Take my word for it, there are a few real white knuckle moments in the film.

The visual effects are pretty good. No, not ground breaking, but they certainly did the job, and did the job well. Not once did the over use of effects pull you out of the realism of the situation, and that was the biggest triumph of the effects. Not that they were ground breaking, but rather that they didn’t get in the way… and in a film like Cloverfield, that could have happened very easily.

THE BAD

Some of the way the “home video” is cut together with old video on the same tape of the lead character and the love interest was far beyond the cheesiest of cheese. If the main strength of Cloverfield is its ability to feel frighteningly real, then one of its main weaknesses was the forced and over sentimentalized editing jarring in contrived emotional ques with the mixture of the editing. It was so bad a couple of people giggles around me… so did I.

There is one HORRIBLE shot near the end of the film… I don’t want to give anything away… all I’ll say is that in the shot, you get a very good look at the monster… and something beyond silly happens that just made you roll your eyes.

Honestly, the monster itself was nothing special. It was a big monster. There. But in and of itself that’s not too bad a thing, because the monster itself wasn’t the point… the point was New York getting attacked and causing the havok and fear these people felt. This monster was just a catalyst for that. But I heard more than a few people walking out complaining about not seeing more of the monster, or more of the carnage he wrought in the movie. I can see where they’re coming from.

OVER ALL

Cloverfield is a fun and at the same time Frightening monster movie that goes beyond a simple monster movie. It’s exciting in parts, scary in others and does a wonderful job immersing you into the reality of the story in a way that actually makes you believe these horrible events are actually happening. A few cheesy scenes and elements take a little of the glitter off this film, but not a lot. In general, a really good solid movie. Over all I give Cloverfield an 8/10

Two cancer riddled dudes find out they have less that a year to live. In the hospital they become friends and decide to conquer a list of objectives before they die. They scrawl down their final to do list on a pice of yellow paper, call it The Bucket List and then we tag along for the ride.

The Good

Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson can do no wrong. These two talents have fun with this one; the commodore they share on screen seems to mirror real life. Most of the movie is a conversation between the two men as they go from task to task and with these two at the helm of conversation - you never get bored. This is a film that champions the importance of friendship and the two sell it well, ribbing and all.

The end of life is a valley that we all must walk through. Some get lucky and simply slip away in the night. But for those of us that are alive to hear the news of when we are expected to die; I can only imagine the intensity, pressure and confusion of what to do with your remaining days. This death film flips the coin and reminds us that life should always be the focus. Strangle every minute of glory out of life until it escapes you. Death will be, dwelling on the inevitable is a needless waste of time and gets in the way of quality worthwhile activities.

I enjoyed how Jack and Morgan shared some final goals and differed on others, all the while respecting each other as they enjoyed each other’s company. Living life well means living it the way you want to, and this movie stresses this fact. The good life for me is not the good life for you, but by all means we should try to achieve it.

The Bad

There was nothing in this movie that bothered me greatly. If I have to bring up something it is probably the fact that the movie unfolds exactly as you would expect it to. There are no surprises and if you saw the trailer you are probably going to guess how the whole thing will play out. This did not ruin the film for me, but it kept it from being outstanding.

Overall

This is an enjoyable feel-good movie about kicking the bucket. The message is one that considers the meaning of life, the measure of a person and the importance of vital living. Nothing gets your ass in gear like your own mortality and this movie uses dyin’ to teach us about livin’! I give this film a 7/10 and would recommend it as an inspirational drama.

In the world of “dream fights”, without question one of the top most yearned for on screen battles has always been Aliens verses Predators. So along came the first AVP movie a couple of years ago, and to call it a disappointment would be a bit of an understatement. Personally, I still got a bit of a kick out of it (the line about finding Moses’ DVD collection almost made me spit up my pop) but there is no denying that it could have… and SHOULD HAVE been much much better.

When word came out about they studio giving the franchise another shot, I was shocked. Yes the film made over $170 million world wide, but it was so panned by fans and critics I thought they’d just celebrate their money and call it a day. Nope… here comes AvP-R (bloody stupid as hell title). The trailers made it look like it would be a big step up from the previous attempt? Was it? No.

THE GENERAL IDEA

Our old friends the Predators are back. Always looking for the ultimate prey to hunt and challenge themselves against, they seem to have run out of worthy opponents. So instead of just retiring the old cloaking devices, they decided to breed a new kind of prey by crossing their own DNA with that of ALIENS. Something goes horribly wrong and the Predator ship crashing on earth releasing the new PrediAlien onto our unsuspecting world to kill, breed and multiply. The Predator response to this…. send one guy to come fight them. Why not?

Meanwhile, an edgy pizza boy is in love with the high school hottie, but she is dating the evil popular school jock (no, I’m not kidding, I swear to high heaven I wish I was) who bullies him and makes him sad (poor sad pizza boy), but undeterred the pizza boy is committed to winning the hottie’s heart, and surviving the oncoming Alien Apocalypse (aren’t we all).

THE GOOD

The film wastes no time in setting up the situation. Right from the opening credits we see the Predator ship circling around earth with their little PrediAlien experiment. Chaos, the ship crashes, Aliens escape and start the killing… all within the first 3 minutes!!! I’m come to appreciate it when dumb mindless fun flicks just recognize what they are and jump right into it… AVP-R does that.

It was nice to see that AVP-R never took itself too seriously. They filmmakers clearly understood that people weren’t expecting “300″ or “Braveheart” here… they just wanted to see a lot of people and monsters getting ripped the hell up. There were none of the dreaded “life lessons” that plague some other films, no deeper message or purpose… it was essentially an hour and a half of video game nonsense… and for a film like AVP-R, that’s a good thing.

Some of the action was great! As promised by the advanced R rated trailers, there are some gloriously gory and fun shots of guys getting their heads blown, acid burning through unsuspecting flesh… and the movie doesn’t spare children or pregnant women either (I won’t give anything away here… but wow the scene in the hospital was fun!). Yup, it sure seemed like the filmmakers understood what people wanted to see… well… at least in the third act. The first two acts were a waste, which leads us to….

THE BAD

As already mentioned in the opening of this review… THERE IS A PIZZA BOY IN LOVE WITH A HIGH SCHOOL HOTTIE, WHO IS ALREADY DATING THE EVIL POPULAR SCHOOL JOCK!!!! No,,, once again I’m NOT kidding. I had to look around the theater to see if anyone else was about to get up and walk out just for that alone. And of course the big bad boyfriend bullies the pizza boy all while the hottie looks on and feels bad, ultimately (SPOILER) rejecting the jock to get with the loser pizza boy. Good… fricking… grief. For a little while I thought it was some sort of joke.

As expected, the “story” and “dialog” were completely pathetic. Like I said, no one was expecting 300 or Braveheart, but at least pretend to give a shit about the words coming out of these people’s mouths.

For a movie that supposedly understood what people were wanting out of it… a brainless action flick with lots of violence, Alien killing, Predator hunting, people dying a horrible horrible horrible ways… it sure was slow for most of the film. As I mentioned, the movie does jump right into it in the first 5 minutes… but then is pretty much goes to sleep for the next hour. A pizza boy trying to get the hot girl (GAG!!!)… an army mom coming home from a tour of duty trying to win back the affection of her little girl (GAG!!!!)… an ex-con returning to town to try to start over (GAG!!!)… these are the things that make up the majority of the first 2 acts with just the odd transitional scene showing either the Aliens or the Predator.

Ok, now on the level of wanting a dumb, brainless fun action film… I was wanting to see a LOT of Aliens and Predators fighting. However, I was quickly disappointed to see that there was only ONE Predator! COME ON!!!!! Yes we want to see the hapless humans get ripped to shreds… but we’d also like to see some fights where Aliens win certain encounters and rip up a Predator or two as well! Nope… wasn’t going to happen… not with just one Predator. Very disappointing.

OVERALL

If you really want to enjoy Alien Vs Predator - Requiem, just watch the R-rated trailer… because most of (not all) of the best stuff is in there… and the rest of the film is mostly moms connecting with daughters and the pizza boy trying to get the girl. However, AVP-R is not a total waste of a film. There is enough mindless fun in it that you won’t HATE the film (I didn’t hate it), just not enough to be anywhere as good as it could have been.

Overall I give AVP-R a 4.5 out of 10.